Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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