If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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