did you get engaged???
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
