I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
