you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
