apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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