She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
