His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
