Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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