Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
