Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
