After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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