he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
