dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
