I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
