Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you didnt know i had herpes?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.