the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.