she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.