Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore