then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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