I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
