well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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