You can't special order awesome
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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