My liver just broke up with me...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sext me about skeletons
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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