i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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