She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
