i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
