I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
