Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
