Three words: puerto rican gang bang
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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