The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
