you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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