i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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