It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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