i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
