so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
