I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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