Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
