Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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