four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
