Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
