I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
