I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
