His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
