I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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