Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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