How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
