The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
