Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
