you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
4 words: hood of his car
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
