It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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