trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
