new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
