your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
vagina is talking i cant
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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