I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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