It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
