A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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