remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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