she was so not down for the gang bang
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
