Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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