I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
