she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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