she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
