So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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