can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and she was petting her beer can
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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