he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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