Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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